"My [family is] hoping to exchange with a family in [Asia]. Many of the homes that are large enough to accommodate our family do not have photos. I am not sure how to approach this. Help me out please. I figure that I would first ask if they are interested in exchanging to our area at the same time, then ask for photos. If I do not like it (its dirty, falling apart, etc.) how do I graciously drop interest?
By the way, I really want to thank you for posting that sample letter for reaching out to people who live in invisible land. I hope that I don't need to use, but having it available really helps. "
This is a fantastic question. Whether it is in response to unattractive photos or just a general sense of discomfort with the potential swap partner's correspondence details or style how do you end your home exchange negotiations politely?
Here's how not to do it.
A family wrote to me from my #1 destination, Italy. They have a 5-bedroom villa near Verona. The house looked very typically Italian. They asked to use our place during their Winter holidays, including New Year's Day (Manhattan is the most exciting place in the world to be on New Year's Eve.)
Knowing how popular Italy is for home exchange, I wrote back to them within ten minutes, confirming that they could use our home during the exact dates they requested. I heard nothing from them in response for the better part of a week. They were the classic "Disappearing Home Exchangers".
The DHE is not clever or selective in sending home exchange requests. A smart home exchanger goes through the listings, sorts them by how well they meet the family's criteria and sends a first batch of emails only to the best ten or so candidates, For instance, you might only send emails to a desired area's exchange homes that list your town as a preferred destination. Or you could pick out the homes with three or more bedrooms and write only to those families. If you do not get a response from the first ten families you can open your criteria and send another ten emails, perhaps to homes with two or more bedrooms, for instance.
By limiting your initial contacts you decrease the number of people you have to annoy when you decide the home is not right for you. That is the first step in avoiding the uncomfortable situation of declining a home exchange offer which you initially requested.
The Italians obviously did not do this. They bombarded me and my neighbors with swap requests then stepped back to pick from dozens of offers. This works well exactly one time. If you ever want to visit the same place again, the home exchangers there who you asked for a swap and then ignored will return the favor.
I am finished giving Disappearing Home Exchangers a free ride. I now write back to them after a few days to "make sure" they received my initial response. By doing this, I make it clear that it is inappropriate to write to someone about a swap then cut off further contact. How did the Italians "politely" indicate they were not interested any more? How should you do the same? I'll let you know in a future post.
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