As we prepared to go use our half of a past non-simultaneous swap, first-time, last-minute home exchangers were in danger of becoming non-exchangers. We were considering canceling their swap as they added a new teenage couple to their guest list every day.
It is hard to say "no" in home exchange. When I began swapping I never denied a request. What I found over the course of almost 40 exchanges is that certain conditions make it harder for a swap family to take good care of your home. I also noticed that exchangers reveal their attitude towards your home and home exchange in general by how they approach their requests and the kind of favors they ask.
How they ask is important as well. The exchanger who wanted to bring the additional teens asked politely and did not mention the possibility to the kids before clearing it with me. After a swap agreement has been made, treat each new request as a huge favor. It just might be.
Those who demand changes or attempt to pack as many people in our apartment as can fit cross-wise on the beds clearly view our home as a dormitory or rental. In our own swapping, we are careful to include only as many people at the exchange home as we can adequately supervise and comfortably accommodate. It is our responsibility to monitor, and answer for, the actions of our guests.
A problem with the guest list for this last-minute swap was that it kept growing. We were contacted by a middle-aged couple and we agreed to host them. And only them. Then they asked to have two teens with them, and we agreed. Now they wanted two more. At this point I felt very comfortable simply saying "no". We would not host two newly married adults and four teenagers, three of whom were unrelated to each adult.
Part of my readiness to jettison this exchange was the timing and the exchangers' lack of experience. But a prime reason we were uncommitted was that this was a non-simultaneous swap. We did not have airplane tickets to the swappers' home. We were heading somewhere else. The worst inconvenience to us in canceling this exchange would be bad karma.
Still, we did not want to offend these polite swappers. It is neither nice nor necessary. So we told them something truthful, if a bit self-indulgent. We have a cat who is very neurotic. She hides, refuses to eat and/or licks herself obsessively when stressed, and she finds having strangers in the apartment when we are gone to be very stressful. We have had an exchange couple in the apartment for a month and the cat cowered under the bed the whole time. When we returned from vacation she was much thinner and more furless than when we left.
Four teenagers would scare our cat more than two, so we pointed to this as the reason we would need to limit the exchange group. If the exchangers did not graciously accept this reasoning, they were out.
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