We suggested making a contract because we wanted to make it clear that we would use their car responsibly. I put a clause in the contract stating we wouldn't drive it farther in a day than the airport to their home. The exchangers live mid-way between two large cities, but their home is quite isolated. It is a 4-hour drive to either city or any major airport. With everything there is to see in their state I did not want them to worry I would abuse the much-appreciated loan of their car.
I also specified that only one of us would drive it, except in case of emergency. And we agreed to pay the insurance deductible if we were at fault in an accident.
The swapper came back to us saying we should feel free to use the car to drive where ever we liked. Perhaps, she suggested, we would like to visit friends we mentioned in the city two hundred miles north of her home. Or our cousins who live two hundred miles to the south. And of course we should both feel free to drive the car.
This struck me as very considerate and hospitable. It was a good sign. I was also glad that our phone conversation had revealed the exchanger to be an interesting person with an active mind.
By contrast, the exchangers we had avoided swapping with in Mexico seemed flaky through email and weird on the phone. This was the couple whose male member made racist comments against our mutual president, Barack Obama, when we chose not to confirm the exchange they had already tried to cancel on us.
In addition to warning signs like these, look for miscommunications or failure on the swappers' part to read your email or listing information.
We once made the following offer to a swapper with a large vacation home half-way between my home and that of my in-laws:
"We would love to be in Yourtown in
December or Jan. Would you be interested
either in a 1-week simultaneous swap, or in
using our place in June 10 to 15 and letting us
stay at your place for one week in the winter?
If you come during June we can get you four tickets
for the opening night performance of a Broadway
show and invitations to the private cast party
afterwards.
At previous opening nights we have sat next to
Candace Bergen, Joan Rivers, John
Turturo, Sarah Jessica Parker, Lauren
Bacall, and many other artists.
Afterwards, you will be a
guest at the incredible cast party,
where you will have a sumptuous dinner,
open bar and can have your photo taken
with all the stars."
The exchanger wrote back, enthusiastic:
"YES, very much interested.
When are you thinking of exchanging?
Does it have to be exchange at same
time?
We actually have the property you saw
plus our main house."
There were already some red flags here. We had been clear that the swap did not have to be simultaneous, but she was asking for that same information. She asked to bring her "very small" dog into our home, which I think marks someone as a poor exchanger, especially when she knows the home in question to have cats in residence.
To be fair I wrote back re-iterating that we could do a simultaneous swap for a week to 10 days at the end of December or let her use our place her for the 5 days in June we had mentioned originally in exchange for the December dates.
The exchanger's response really put me off:
"The trade could possibly work for a
same time period exchange during the 20
Dec - 01 Jan time period.
It would not work for us to trade 5 days
for 10 days, in any case."
The implication here is that I was trying to make an unfair trade. To underscore this, the swapper chose to claim I had asked her for 10 days in exchange for 5 when I had actually suggested trading 5 days for 7. However, I was offering her an amazing five days and thought the way she responded was very odd. I wrote back to clarify my intentions:
"I'm sorry if I offended you. Yes, I asked for two or more extra days in December versus the time period we have available here in June. To make it an equal exchange I offered you the 5 days our home is free in June plus VIP Broadway "house seats" (the very best seats in the house which sell for as much as $900 per pair, when available) plus access to an actual opening night Broadway cast party, which cannot be obtained at any cost. I asked for 7 to 10 days at your place in exchange. If we had 7 to 10 days available in June I would have offered you that as well. It's a moot point, though, since you're not available in June, but I wouldn't want to try to set up a trade if you thought I was making an unfair offer to begin with."
The exchanger wrote back saying she hadn't even read my original email, just looked at my photos and responded. She said she was sorry, but I was astounded that she would agree to swap without reading my offer or listing. She told me:
"I apologize for not reading your whole email to me that first time. I asked my husband/family about the holidays in NYC and they are checking into the possibilities for then.
I should be able to get back to you within the week.
Thanks for your patience with me and I am sorry for the misunderstanding."
At this point it didn't matter to me if she got back to me or not because I had no intention of exchanging with her. And of course she did not follow through, even to say the swap would not work out.
All you have when you are setting up an exchange is trust. If you get to know the swappers a bit and you do not like what you find out, move on.
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