WHICH COUNTRY BOASTS THE WORLD'S HAPPIEST HOME EXCHANGERS?
Did you know that the U.K.'s Leicester University has found the happiest home exchangers in the world? Well, at least they have discovered that the world's happiest people are the Danes. The television news show "60 Minutes" interviewed people in Denmark about this finding, and the consensus among the Danes was they don't expect things to go terribly well, so they are pleasantly surprised when they do.
WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD HOME EXCHANGERS
These findings lead me to believe that Danish people are also the world's happiest home exchangers. After all, when you're on home exchange, just as when you stay in a hotel, something is likely to go wrong. At the very least you will have trouble finding the garbage bags. At worst, a pipe will burst.
In a hotel, there is someone to complain to who will come and fix the problem. On home exchange, you are at the mercy of your own ingenuity and/or the emergency contact numbers left for you by your swap partners (remind them to do this if they forget).
I'd like to exchange with a family from Denmark, because if they find themselves mopping up my cat's hairball they will probably say "We expected as much" but if they avoid any such crisis they will be thrilled, as is, apparently, the typical Danish response to such fortuitous circumstances.
WHO REALLY CARES IF DANES ARE HAPPY, BESIDES OTHER DANES?
There is actually a reason for my sudden interest in the Danish approach to life.
The pro-RyanAir home exchangers have weighed in. RyanAir is the best thing to happen to home exchange since sliced bread. Frankly, I lean more to the pro-Ryan camp than the Ryan-haters.
As you all know, the only airline I detest with an abiding passion is the evil L'avion Airlines. "L'avion" is a French word meaning "contempt for disabled travelers, especially if they are American. To say that this "all business class" airline treated my frail 85-year old father like a piece of human garbage is putting it mildly.
IS THERE ANY AIRLINE WORSE THAN L'AVION? SHORT ANSWER: NO
On the same trip where I almost caused grave bodily harm to a L'avion manger on behalf of my father, we also flew RyanAir with Dad. It was just as difficult to get the wheelchair assistance and seat near the door with both airlines. Call me crazy, but I thought it was more important for someone who can't walk to have the bulkhead seat than some businessman who wants to stretch his perfectly functional legs.
I'm sure there are plenty of people in Europe who treat disabled people with respect and accord them their civil rights, it's just that none of them work for airlines.
SO WHAT MAKES RYANAIR SO GREAT?
The difference between the two home exchange flights, both of which had lousy customer service was this: $7,212. In other words, the five of us paid $7,500 to be treated like cr*p on L'avion, and only $288 for the exact same experience on RyanAir. In fact, I'd say the customer service was actually better on RyanAir because I wasn't expecting anything. At the time we flew, you couldn't even reserve a particular seat on RyanAir. But on L'avion you can reserve your seat, and you pay thousands of times more money to do so than on RyanAir.
THE WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE AT ANY PRICE
Call me crazy, but if I pay one dollar to fly from England to Spain and I'm on the inside of the airplane, in a seat other than the lavatory, and, as an additional bonus, the airplane doesn't crash, I'm a happy camper. So what if I have to give Dad a piggyback ride to the gate when his wheelchair is nowhere to be found?
On the other hand, when my family paid L'avion a sum equal to the cost of my first new car to fly in "first class" well, by golly, I expected someone to give me a helping hand when things went pear-shaped. Or at least not act like I was pond scum for making a reasonable request.
My first and last L'avion flight occurred exactly one year ago. If you haven't already noticed, I hold a grudge.
BE DANISH
Need white-glove customer service? Don't fly RyanAir and don't vacation as a home exchanger. Not happy unless someone caters to your every whim when you travel? Stay in an extremely nice, well-rated and hugely over-priced hotel. However, in no case should you fly L'avion. Whether you're a traveler or a tourist, a Dane or whatever-nationality-is-habitually-miserable, no one should be subjected to L'avion.
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