Just as the year drew to a close, I received the most excitingly awful swap offer ever. The completely unappealing nature of this exchange request was such that I have never had a bad exchange offer that even came close to it.
Here is the exquisitely horrid swap email I received, with nothing removed but identifying details such as the exchangers' names:
"What we're doing is contacting home exchangers in Europe to exchange with us in SALT LAKE CITY. What we're finding is, several exchangers would like a stop over in New York City for a few days either on their way, or on their return. Most are interested in shopping. What we want to know from you is, are you interested in hosting various couples for a day or two in your home for an exchange with us in SALT LAKE CITY? P.S. If your [sic] not interested, could you please refer me to someone who might be"
This swapper isn't just asking for a third-party exchange where strangers who I have not vetted or screened stay at my place, he actually wants "various couples" to do back-to-back swaps at my place. If am not foolish enough to allow even one of these couples, whose home I will never use and who thus have no mutual responsibility to me, to use my home. But if the Salt Lake City swapper had his way I would have a series of such couples use my place. That means if any damage occurred I would have no idea which of the third-party swap couples was responsible.
It's also possible that this exchanger is mis-interpreting the following polite demurral from the Europeans he contacted:
"Thank you for for offer, but we prefer to visit New York City to go shopping."
I clicked on the couple's listing and saw an extremely unappealing home. It was cluttered, unrenovated since the 1970's, with no attempt to decorate. In a word, ewwww.
The exchangers did something else I've never seen in another swap offer, and hope never to see again. They made a point of listing their caucasian ethnicity, which I found odd and off-putting. I can see someone doing this in a European country to indicate which languages they speak or the cultural flavor one might expect when using their home. For instance, Belgians of French descent may have a different lifestyle than those of Flemish descent.
In the United States, especially in a city like Salt Lake City which is well-known to have very few non-white residents, underlining the fact that one is of caucasian descent is, to say the least, in very questionable taste. Why do I need to know if the people staying in my home are White, Brown, Green or Purple? A home exchanger's skin color makes no difference to me, and I would not exchange homes with anyone who considered that to be an important factor in choosing a swap partner.
These swappers also describe their neighborhood by saying "most homes are in the $200k value range" which is something I have never seen any other swapper note in their listing. The average home price in the city where these swappers live is $255,000, which means that these exchangers live in a neighborhood where the average home is valued at 30% less than most in the same city. People sometimes brag in the offer email that they have a "million dollar home", but they never emphasize that their home is shoddier than those of their neighbors. The purpose cannot be to trade with properties with a similar value, since they are writing to people with large apartments in central Manhattan.
To "sweeten" the offer, the exchangers suggest that instead of using their home we might want to use their camper. This might be tempting, except that the camper pictured is in very poor shape and incredibly tiny, the kind with a mini kitchen outside, hanging off the rear of the trailer.
People usually emphasize things of interest about themselves and their home. The fact that it is much more modest than others in the same area, and owned by White people who have a rattle-trap camping trailer and who don't even want to visit my city themselves is the opposite of interesting. The many, many ways that this exchange offer turned me off is unique in my experience. These exchangers don't just get the 2009 prize for bad exchange offer, they win the Lifetime Achievement Award.
When getting to know someone with whom you are considering swapping homes, it's important to read between the lines to really get to know the family. In this case, I learned everything I needed to know from the offer email. Be open to these subtexts and you will never accept an offer from possible White Supremacists who want to treat your home like a cheap hotel for avaricious Europeans.
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